One of the most surprising things about being coached myself is how deeply it reaches into every aspect of my life. In fact, I struggle to explain it, that’s how profound an effect coaching has had on me.
But I think I have an example today:
The world? Full of turmoil.
I–as an empathic person 🤮 & a Scorpio ♏–have often felt immense and crippling sadness at the general state of affairs & glaring lack of justice in the entire known universe. (Sorry MLK, the arc of the moral universe may be long, but unless you cite your evidence, I’m not totally convinced it does bend toward justice.)
The number of times I’ve had to cancel plans due to “existential dread” is waaaayyyy too high for someone in their mid-30s.
And I’m not talking about depression. (Although, I’ve had that a number of times, as well. And a therapist: THANK GOD!)
Literally, one time I couldn’t go to a birthday party because the horrors, they persisted. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
So things like: genocide in the Middle East, neverending mass shootings, frequent climate catastrophes, and what appears to be an impending WWIII on the horizon… very much the kind of thing that used to literally derail my life while I wallowed in hopelessness and despair.
But now?
Not so much.
Why?
Because of coaching.
(Yes, therapy helped. But for me, the real change that made my actions change, and therefore my life change was from coaching.)
Every time I sat with and sorted through the difficult emotions of:
- yes, the world is very fatphobic
- no, that doesn’t mean being fat is bad
- yes, I have internalized that message myself
- no, that doesn’t mean I have to continue hating the size of my body
- yes, other people might spew hate toward me
- no, that doesn’t mean I have no agency in my life and choices
…I practiced allowing both/and to exist.
- yes, things can be terrible
AND
- no, I don’t have to sink beneath my anguish
(In fact, the latter was such a common occurrence for me, I got a tattoo to remind me of this.*)
But now, thanks to coaching, I am able to let myself sit with the terrible (& appropriate!) emotions that come up, wallow for a hot second, and then I “battle on.”*
Specifically, the coaching helped with what exactly battling on looked like.
Like, literally, what actions did I want to take because of those emotions.
Coaching helped me:
- Easily see what was within my control and what wasn’t.
- Define my values, so choices became easy.
- Reframe self-care from another to-do list I wasn’t completing, to a tangible cause & effect that truly improved my quality of life.
- Transform empathic suffering into empowered compassionate action–for myself and others.
- Create boundaries that allow me to love others with exactly the capacity I have available, guilt free.
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So, as your unofficial email coach, I would like to share with you a tool I give to my clients:
Dr. Kristin Neff’s Self-Compassion Guided Practices
Specifically, the very first audio, “Compassion with Equanimity” it’s 6 ½ min long.
(They’re all wonderful, though, so this page is worth a bookmark!)
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Truly, I hope you have the resources, skills, knowledge, and community to help you take care of yourself and others at this time, I hope the guided compassion practice helps, and I wish you all the love and care in the world!
| TTYL, ☮💜Deanna |
| * I have a tattoo that simply says, “…battle on.” But the full quote is: |
| “WE MUST TRY NOT TO SINK BENEATH OUR ANGUISH, HARRY, BUT BATTLE ON.”-Albus Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, written by the raging transphobe who doesn’t deserve our time of day |
| The tattoo is wrapped around my ankle & impossible to photograph. But see what I mean? Truly, I’ve always been like this. |
