Why we’re NOT substituting one for another…
As I briefly mentioned in the Bridgerton series, because we are raised in these systems of oppression, that means we have also internalized these messages.
Meaning: we don’t need other people to tell us Penelope Featherington is ugly because she’s fat; we’ve gotten the message so clearly, so many times, in so many ways that the voice programmed in our brains tells us on behalf of the heteronormative, white supremacist, patriarchal body hierarchy. (Say THAT five times fast!)
Except, as many of you have told me… You DON’T think Penelope Featherington (nay, Bridgerton) is ugly. You think she is gorgeous, beautiful, alluring, & most definitely lust-worthy.
WELCOME! THAT IS YOU! THAT IS WHAT YOU LIKE! That is NOT the voice programmed into your brain. That is your discernment.
I call this your North Star, & it’s one of the 3 tools all of my clients get when working with me.
So what does this have to do with being gay, Deanna?! Get me back to gayness, please!
Absolutely!
When you discover your queerness, one part of yourself–which you thought was rock solid & an absolute truth–gets called into question & completely (or partially) overturned, then you start to question EVERYTHING you thought you knew to be absolutely true.
That can include things like:
- How you want to present yourself
- What you are attracted to/allow yourself to be attracted to with less or no shame
- How you expect other people to look
- Your understanding of what other people are attracted to
And, of course, all of this is tied to BODY IMAGE!
What we DO NOT want to do, however, is just substitute the new “ideal lesbian image” for the old “western beauty standards” that we just threw out, because then we’re just doing the same thing all over again (but this time with flannel).
If you want to get to the root of healing your body image, it CANNOT be measuring yourself against someone else’s external standard.
Can you test out, try on, and cycle through all the different options for yourself, figuring out which parts feel good, true, & authentic?
ABSO-FUCKIN-LUTELY!
Will deciding you’re a “high femme” & therefore you need to wear that particular uniform & start acting like whatever the hell that means help break you out of your conditioning about how you are supposed to look?
No, it surely will not.
The only way to heal your body image is to accept that you’re supposed to look however the hell you want to look, with the body that you’ve got.
And one way to figure out how the hell you want to look with the body that you’ve got is through coaching.
And if you’re trying to heal your body image while queer, might I recommend a coach who has been there? (C’est moi. 😘)
Interested in working with me 1-on-1?
For my 💌SWAK BFFs, I offer one-off 90 minute Lightning Coaching sessions. Reply to this email for more info!
TTYL,
☮️💜Deanna
