Dearest Gentle Reader… finale!
If you missed the first two parts of this discussion, you can find them here:
Part 1: Is Penelope fat &/or hot?
Part 2: For us non-Hollywood fat folks & our body image
Table of Contents
- Here’s the unspoken part of all of this #Polin debate…
- So, back to real life: what the hell does that mean?
- This is part of what everyone means when they say social media is fake
- The 2 underlying questions…
- Final Thoughts
Here’s the unspoken part of all of this #Polin debate…
The role of the beauty standards within the white supremacist body hierarchy as a tool of patriarchal power.
AKA, Men get social status from fucking hot women.*
*”Hot” as prescribed by beauty standards.
And we have already established that Penelope, by the nature of her being fat, is NOT at the top of the body hierarchy, and therefore is NOT “hot” by that metric.
Therefore, Colin marrying Penelope lowers his social status within the patriarchal power structure.
So, back to real life: what the hell does that mean?
One of the reasons those influencer couples with a “hot” guy & a “fat” woman are so rare is because the real &/or perceived social pressure & implications for a man to date someone “lower” than him on the body hierarchy.
We see this all the time, in all arenas of privilege, power, & oppression:
When a person has a lot of privilege &/or power, they’re very reluctant to give it up. Why would they? It seems like only a net loss with little to no benefit.
When a person has a vested interest in maintaining that privilege, there is NO INCENTIVE to question the structure that provides them with that power.
And unfortunately, our society is so deeply patriarchal, even “the good guys” have a hard time seeing their own complicity in perpetuating it.
(Same for women & internalized patriarchy. Same for white people & racism. Same for all oppression.)
…
It’s a fucking bummer.
…
BUT!
There’s hope still!
Why?
Because–I can’t believe I’m about to type this– #NotAllMen
This is part of what everyone means when they say social media is fake
Truly, though: social media has completely skewed our view of what bodies should & do look like, what standards we’re supposed to meet, and what men “require” to date a woman.
At the very least, any man worth dating doesn’t have those beauty standards and doesn’t value patriarchal privilege over relationships with real humans.*
*Now, whether or not there are very many men worth dating is another full dissertation, of which I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS, including, but not limited to: the loneliness epidemic, capitalism, & again, social media.
The 2 underlying questions…
Basically, all of this comes back to the 2 underlying questions that have run through all of these Bridgerton emails:
- What do you think?
- What do other people think?
But even more importantly:
What do you want to do about the difference between the two?
- Can you hold space for both, especially if they’re differing?
- Do you want to bend, break, & contort yourself to try to think what they think & value what they value?
- Do you want to stand firm, clear, & confident in your beliefs & values?
- Do you want to live your life & take your actions from your own values & self-worth?
- Do you want to spend your life trying to guess what other people think & acting to make them happy & comfortable at your own expense?
Final Thoughts
In the end, Bridgerton might be fiction, but the body image baggage it unpacks is all too real.
This isn’t just about Penelope and Colin—it’s about us.
About what we’ve been taught to believe about worth, desirability, and the bodies we live in.
You don’t have to keep carrying those beliefs that were handed to you by a system that never had your best interests at heart.
You get to choose what you believe now.
You get to unlearn, reclaim, and rebuild.
And if you’re ready to do that work—not just talk about it, but actually live it—I’m here.
This is what coaching is for.
Let’s go deeper, together.
