Dearest Gentle Reader… again…
Last week we scratched the surface of Penelope Featherington’s fatness, hotness, & the fact that: yes, of course Colin Bridgerton could be attracted to her…
Find Part 1 here
(Have I mentioned this is what my 1-on-1 coaching entails? Doing all of THIS ::gestures wildly:: )
Table of Contents
- Why does #Polin basically never happen in real life?
- What does this mean for us & our non-Hollywood/non-influencer bodies & body image?
- How others view us/our bodies
Why does #Polin basically never happen in real life?
But… (our inner voice sheepishly chimes in)
This is a safe space. Let it out. “But…” what?
But… like… why does it basically never happen in real life?
I mean, I see a couple of IG influencers who are beautiful, curvy women, & they have traditionally super “hot” boyfriends with 6 pack abs and that’s sort of their whole deal (just being 2 hot people on vacation a lot… IDK how that works, but hey, I’m glad for them)–she shows off how hot & loved she is even though she has cellulite & love handles & jiggly bits. His abs next to her belly pooch.*
*Of course, an entire dissertation could be written on the degree to which these women still adhere very closely to white supremacist beauty standards despite being slightly bigger than the “ideal.’
But they are influencers because of that tokenism, the novelty of their pairing, the fact that they are different from most other couples–or more specifically: that she is a different, unexpected partner for a man who looks the way he does.
So… Colin could be attracted to & marry Penelope, but in real life it is so rare that couples like them become fucking micro-celebrities because they’re some sort of beautiful freak show!
That’s basically proof that it couldn’t happen!*
*The coach in me must say: the thought that “it never happens in real life” is just that–A THOUGHT. It’s not the truth. It’s not a scientific fact. It’s a belief your brain might offer you, that you just accept.
Let’s be real, a lot more “hot guy with fat woman” couples exist outside of social media influencer land, because what a weird fucking life that is & social media is fake.
What does this mean for us & our non-Hollywood/non-influencer bodies & body image?
Let’s have another coaching breakdown
There are, yet again, 2 different things at play here:
- How you feel about your body
- How you think others feel about your body
BUT
Here’s where it gets fun!*
*By “fun,” I actually mean infuriating.
GIRLS & WOMEN AREN’T TAUGHT TO HAVE THOUGHTS, OPINIONS, OR PREFERENCES ABOUT OUR BODIES!
WE ARE TAUGHT THAT OUR BODIES EXIST TO BE FOUND ATTRACTIVE TO MEN!
Therefore, by and large, we have very little independent thoughts & feelings about our own bodies.
Unless you have already started your inner work journey, most of your thoughts about your body have been given to you based on whether or not Men™ should find you fuckable.
Of course your body image is all fucked up and feels like it can change on a whim!
That whim can be things like–oh, I don’t know–whether or not you’ve ever seen a woman over a size 6 being lusted after on television… and then the ensuing debate over her un-lust-worthiness.
So step #1 of sorting through your thoughts & feelings about #Polin & ripped dudes with fat girlfriends is this:
- Get clear on your own thoughts & feelings about bodies & beauty, and their purpose, both for yourself and others.
How others view us/our bodies
The second part we need to address is the whole “how others view us/our bodies” thing.
This is the part where I DO NOT tell you, “Oh don’t worry about what other people think!”
How a person thinks dictates how they act.
Therefore, when a large swath of society thinks terrible things about people with certain body sizes & shapes*, that means they act that way towards those same people.
*Feel free to cross apply this to any/all oppression: skin colors, disabilities, perceived gender or sexuality, etc.
What others think of us matters, because it affects how they treat us.
And here’s the thing about relationships: it takes at least 2 people.
So, even if you do ALLLLLL the inner healing work about how you feel about your body, if you are or want to be in a relationship with another person–especially one where they look at &/or touch your body–you’re going to need to heal that part of you, too.
If you think it’s impossible that someone else could find you attractive, that’s just as unhelpful as thinking that about yourself.
If that is where you are right now, I want to offer this thought*:
(Have I mentioned this is what my 1-on-1 coaching entails? Doing this👇.)
Give humanity a little credit. What you see in the media is NOT the dictator of what most people find attractive.
Ya know how you find “non traditionally” people attractive?
So does basically everyone else.
We mostly don’t talk about it because of stupid sex shame & not wanting to be horny on main.
I’ve got another installment of Bridgerton Breakdown coming at ya next week, so let me know what thoughts have come up or questions you still have, & I’ll be sure to answer them in the next Newsletter!
Let me know what you think about Bridgerton & any questions, thoughts, or arguments your brain is offering about all of this, & I’ll answer them all next week!
P.S.: Arguments & contesting this coaching is not only NOT a problem, that is, in fact, THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF COACHING! Let’s genuinely consider & answer your brain’s retorts!
| What questions, thoughts, or arguments are coming up for you about the plausibility of #Polin? | |
| No judgments, no wrong answers, no bad thoughts. | |
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